I Was Told a Career Wasn’t for Me
—Here’s What Happened When I Chose One Anyway
I Cried When I Got Into My Master’s Program
The tears came easily and flowed freely as generations of women cheered inside me.
I was going back to school—to become a career woman.
When I Believed Anything Was Possible
As a little girl, I believed I could be anything. There was no limit to my ambition.
I wanted to be a doctor! A firefighter! A ballerina! A movie star! A marine biologist!
But I was raised in a community where dreaming that big as a girl was not only unheard of—it was actively discouraged.
From the time I was small, I was taught that a woman’s highest calling was to stay at home and have babies. That the surest way to heaven was through marriage. I was surrounded by stories of girls getting married at 18 or 19. That wasn’t shocking—that was expected.
My best friend felt like an old maid when she wasn’t married by 22.
The Death of My Ambition
Somehow it became normal to imagine a young girl choosing an eternal partner before her brain had even finished developing… and then immediately start having children.
And so, slowly, my dreams started to die.
I was 9 when I started babysitting.
By 10, I was pushing my belly out in the mirror, imagining being pregnant.
At 13, I was designing toilet paper wedding dresses with other girls my age.
By 15, I could describe my “perfect righteous husband” in my sleep.
In high school, when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I felt ashamed to say “a mom”… even though I knew that was the answer I was supposed to give.
So I began to say I might open a bakery… or maybe a small nonprofit—something respectable. Something not too big. Not too ambitious.
I was praised for my natural mothering instincts, the same ones I’d developed from years of babysitting and helping raise my siblings.
College Wasn’t Really About School
When it came time to go to college, I knew what it was really for.
“Ring by spring!” everyone joked.
I felt the pressure immediately.
Boys would scan me up and down like they were deciding if we’d make cute babies. Every conversation felt scripted:
“What’s your name?”
“Where are you from?”
“What are you studying?”
“Want to go out sometime?”
I wish I was exaggerating.
Every. Single. Conversation.
The guys bragged about how many dates or kisses they got each week. The girls judged themselves—and each other—on how quickly they could catch a man. It was madness.
Then Came Austin
And then came Austin.
He was different.
He saw me. He was kind, curious, and genuinely wanted to know who I was.
We became fast friends, and naturally, we began to date. I still remember the fear when I shared my deepest shame:
“I can’t have kids.”
I held my breath, waiting for him to walk away.
But he didn’t. He held me tighter. He loved me harder. And together, we started dreaming of a beautiful life—one that we would create, with or without children.
My Ambition Reawakened
With time, the ambition I had buried deep down started to come back.
It started as a desire to travel. Then I launched a small business. It flourished. I was making money—and I loved it!
As Austin settled into his new career, I knew it was time to find mine.
But I hesitated. For over a year, I told myself I couldn’t go back to school. I shouldn’t. I wasn’t supposed to take up that much space or spend that kind of money on my dream. That wasn’t my role.
But those limiting voices got quieter.
And Austin? He kept gently watering my fire.
The Moment Everything Changed
So today—when I opened the acceptance letter into grad school—when I realized I would be the first woman in my family to get more education than her husband…
The first woman to unapologetically chase a career…
I cried.
And I felt them with me—the women who came before me.
The ones who gave up their dreams.
The ones who quietly gave up their own ambitions.
The ones who worked quietly, courageously, to make sure I wouldn’t have to do the same.
And I swear I could hear them cheering.
