Healing Isn’t About “Getting Over It” — Here’s What Actually Works
You ever hear someone say, “Just get over it already”? Like healing is some kind of switch you flip or a task you tick off? Yeah… me too. And I used to believe it. In fact I remember beating myself up for not being “over” my grandpa’s death when I was 12 years old.
I thought healing meant stuffing down every uncomfortable feeling, acting like everything was fine, and moving on. Spoiler alert: that’s not healing.
If you’re carrying around pain, trauma, or stress, pretending it’s not there only makes it heavier. It gets stuck — in your body, your brain, your nervous system — and you end up exhausted, overwhelmed, or numb.
Here’s the truth: you don’t have to “get over it” to heal. You just need to complete the stress cycle.
What Does “Get Over It” Really Mean?
When people say, “Get over it,” they’re really telling you to ignore or minimize your feelings — to stop being “so sensitive” or “stuck in the past.” But those emotions aren’t going anywhere just because you shove them down.
Especially for women, society often teaches us to prioritize everyone else’s comfort over our own feelings. We learn to hide our pain, shrink ourselves, and pretend we’re “fine.” But what actually happens is trauma and stress gets stuck inside. It’s like trying to zip up a suitcase that’s already overflowing — eventually, something’s got to give.
The Neuroscience of Trauma & Emotional Processing
Trauma isn’t just a story you tell yourself — it’s hardwired in your nervous system. When you experience stress or trauma, your body switches into survival mode: fight, flight, or freeze. This response floods your body with energy designed to protect you.
The stress cycle is your body’s natural way of releasing that energy and coming back to calm. When you complete this cycle, your nervous system resets. But if you don’t complete it — if you suppress your feelings or push them aside — the energy stays trapped, and your nervous system stays on edge.
That’s why you might feel anxious, tired, irritable, or stuck emotionally — because your body is still waiting to finish the job.
What Does Completing the Stress Cycle Actually Look Like?
Completing the stress cycle isn’t about intellectualizing your pain or trying to “think your way” out of it. It’s about feeling the emotions fully and safely — whether that’s fear, anger, sadness, or grief.
Here’s what that can look like:
- Physical movement like shaking, trembling, dancing, or even just pacing — your body needs to release the built-up energy.
- Expressive outlets like crying, screaming into a pillow, journaling, or talking it out with someone you trust.
- Breathwork and mindfulness to help you stay grounded while you feel the feelings, instead of pushing them away.
Trying to skip this process? It’s like putting a band-aid on a broken bone. The pain doesn’t disappear — it just gets ignored, and the problem stays under the surface.
Why “Getting Over It” Delays Healing
When you push down emotions, your nervous system stays stuck in survival mode. Over time, this can show up as chronic anxiety, depression, physical pain, or emotional numbness. (Check out this podcast about how chronic stress shows up in surprising ways.)
Emotional avoidance often leads to coping mechanisms that don’t serve us — like people-pleasing, perfectionism, or addictive behaviors. These might mask the pain temporarily but don’t resolve it.
Healing means integration, not erasure. It means feeling your feelings fully — so they lose their power to control you.
How to Start Completing Your Stress Cycle Today
You don’t need a fancy toolkit or expensive therapy to begin this. You just need permission to feel and some simple steps to guide you:
- Check in with your body daily. What sensations or emotions are coming up? Can you sit with them for a moment without judgment?
- Create safe spaces to express your feelings — write, talk, dance, or cry if you need to.
- Use breathwork to ground yourself. Try this: inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 6 — repeat until you feel calmer.
- If you’re stuck, know that professional support like trauma-informed coaching or therapy can be a powerful part of your journey.
Healing Isn’t About “Getting Over It” — It’s About Allowing Yourself to Complete It
Healing is messy, slow, and sometimes painful. But you don’t have to pretend you’re “over it” or shove your feelings into a locked box.
You just have to give yourself permission to complete the stress cycle. When you do, your nervous system relaxes, your brain rewires, and your whole body starts to feel a little lighter.
If you’re ready to start healing on your terms — raw, real, and completely you — I’m here to walk alongside you. Because you deserve to feel whole, free, and unstoppable.
